The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!
'I had an accident opening a can of alphabeti spaghetti this morning,' said Murphy. 'Were you injured?' inquired Seamus. 'No, but it could have spelled disaster,' concluded Murphy.
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they're always a little short.